I thought I would be okay this time. I should know better though, I am really strong about all of the girls’ medical procedures etc until right before they happen, then I fall apart. I almost do better when the Dr’s spring these procedures on me. Then I don’t have enough time to get emotional about it.

Lena has to go in for another CT scan on the 2nd of August. Two more days. I’m freaking out. She’s had two CT scans before this one and an MRI, its not the scan that’s freaking me out so much as the general anesthetic they want to use. Then there’s the whole possibility of surgery again thing that has me in knots.

You see the two previous CT scans were done at a moments notice. The first one was when she was in March when she was about 6 weeks adjusted and I had noticed her cranial sutures widening. It was done while she slept with no sedation, nothing. The whole thing took less than 5 minutes. The second scan was done at our neurosurgery follow up in June. Our surgeon was not too happy that the "sun setting" in her eyes had not corrected itself yet and wanted another scan. This one was done with some mild sedation under the supervision of the Pediatrician on call. The whole ordeal took less than 2 hours, start to finish. The scan took less than 5 minutes.

Because of what we saw in that last scan the neurosurgeon wants her to have another one and then we will evaluate and decide if she needs a revision surgery. Because this scan is scheduled they want me to starve her all morning so they can give her a general anesthetic. I would be okay with this if I thought is was absolutely necessary or if the procedure would take some time, but we have done this before with no general and its such a short procedure. I don’t want her anesthetized and intubated for such a short procedure, her poor little body has already been through enough.  I feel like skipping our appointment and having the surgeon do a last minute scan on our appointment day again. I don’t think I would score too many brownie points with the surgeon or the CT scan Techs though. So, option B, I have become a pain in the a*# and have repeatedly called the surgeons office so that one of his associated can arrange for the scan to be done under sedation. The only problem, they can’t guarantee me anything before they talk to the anesthesiologist on the 2nd, so I still have to starve her. I’ve already prepared my MOMMY KNOWS BEST hat for that day, we are the only advocated for our children and I know if I don’t stick up for what I want and be firm, no one will do it for me.

Now for the really scary part. Our neurosurgeon wanted to see a drastic improvement in her eyes or he said he was going to do surgery right away (we see him on the 7th and he would do it that week, knowing him, that day). I have seen a very large improvement in her eyes in the last month. She often holds her gaze in the center where it should be, can look from side to side and has even rolled her eyes upward. The only problem is, they still drift downward fairly regularly. So… I am not sure that he will think that they are good enough. If he doesn’t think so, another surgery, another set back for my Little Lena. I cry just thinking about it. Wayne and I so badly don’t want to see her go through another brain surgery that we are trying to convince ourselves that its good enough, I’m just not sure. God I hope so. Cross your fingers for us.

On a happier note. Tummy time is going a lot better these days, both girls are getting much stronger. Kassie faster than Lena but Kassie doesn’t have as much weight to lift.